


given up believing

by ruffboi



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Memory Alteration, Multi, also sorta kinda a little kidficish? but it's not ABOUT that, in b4 the hunger doesn't work that way, in their defense i think they mostly managed, lucretia had a bad plan, so a couple of dumbasses decided they'd somehow do it better, there's some lup/magnus if you squint which tbh why wouldn't you want to?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-19 13:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11899041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruffboi/pseuds/ruffboi
Summary: It happens like this: they finds Lucretia's journals, partially redacted and waiting for her to act.It happens like this: they realize what she's doing with days to spare, and realize that her plan is a really really bad one that they shouldn't be a part of.It happens like this: they do it anyway.(or; two dumbasses fail at their job for six years until a competent woman joins their party)





	given up believing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anonymousAlchemist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousAlchemist/gifts), [epersonae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/epersonae/gifts).



> This fic is the culmination of starting with a single mental image, writing it, and continuing on until it finished. The format's a little weird, as a result, but hopefully that's not to the detriment of the story, because I think it's an interesting one. 
> 
> Dedicating this one to Iz and Elaine, because between them and the McElroys I've been inspired and pushed to write more than I have in a long long time. Also thanks to Wooden Ducks Anonymous, who encouraged this fic as it came into being. ♥

"This is a bad idea," says the first robed figure. "What about Lup?"

The second robed figure grimaces. "She hasn't come back," it says slowly. It doesn't complete the thought.

The first figure sighs. "Yeah," it says. "...They're gonna be pissed as fuck."

"It's just for a few months." A squaring of shoulders under the red fabric. "I'm the one making the call. They can blame me."

A long silence, as the two of them survey the small stack of meticulously edited journals, the note that reads _if you can't remember, drink_ in precise looping handwriting, the softly glowing tank.

"Are we doing the right thing?" the first figure asks.

"Only one way to find out," responds the second, and drops the first journal into the ichor.

* * *

The world forgets the relics it had fought over. The relics that wars had been waged over, and with. The world forgets the wars, and how they lost people who aren't part of their lives anymore.

Four people on a flying silver ship collapse, forgetting the last hundred years and more.

One person fights for consciousness, trapped by her own lack of foresight, not yet knowing anything.

Two people remember. The rest of the world forgets them.

* * *

"Just a few months" becomes six, and they only have one relic to their name. Six more still wait, hidden and forgotten, for them to recover. And they _can't find them_.

"This is bullshit," says the second figure, pacing, red fabric all but billowing behind it.

"We know where the last recorded glassing was," the first says. "If we can find one that _wasn't_ recorded, maybe we'll find it. Maybe we'll find _her_."

"I can't wait that long!" The second figure slams it's hand against the wall, rattling the door frame. The first jumps, tries to recover its composure. There have been outbursts before. It's pretty sure there will be even more in the future, if this rate of recovery keeps up.

"Look, why don't you go after one of the others?" the first figure suggests. "The sash is pretty easy to track, if you know what you're looking for, right?"

"Maybe. I'm not as good as you." The second figure rubs its face, tired from months of ceaseless, fruitless searching. "Sorry. I think…. I think I was the wrong person for this job."

"Well, if you were, then we're screwed," the first says, tone light. "But seriously, it's… it's not impossible. We'll make this work. And then we'll get them back."

"Yeah," the second says, distantly. "We'll get them back."

* * *

A year goes by.

Two.

"Did you know?" asks the first softly, as they watch the woman signing books at a table near them, a well-behaved baby probably a year and a half old in a sling across her chest.

"No," says the second. "But I still would've done it."

"Really?" it seems surprised, almost confused. "I wouldn't have."

"It wasn't supposed to be this long," comes the reply, quiet and well-worn between them, a new heaviness to the words. "She was supposed to be _immune_. So I still would've done it."

They leave without buying the book. The author doesn't notice the flash of red as they leave the shop.

* * *

Three years.

"How could he just _leave_?" the second asks. It's rhetorical. It's been asked at least a hundred times today, to one person who couldn't possibly have an answer.

"I don't know. They'll be fine, her parents and everything are all right there, the kids'll still have someone looking out for them."

"I just don't--" The figure stops, sucks in a sharp breath. "I left, too. How did I _do_ that?"

"Ah." The first figure pushes itself up from its maps and its notes, and retrieves a bottle of alcohol from a cupboard. "Honestly, buddy, I got no idea. But it's done, and once we fix this…"

"Yeah." Two glasses. A chair to sink into heavily. "We just gotta do that."

* * *

Three years, two months, and two of their friends are in the same place.

"I… didn't see that coming."

"Me either. ...They seem happy, though."

"Yeah. At least that's something. Maybe they'll go back to the beach. Meet the kids and all that."

"Yeah."

They watch in baffled amusement as a gnome leaps off the cliff above them in a hang glider, the dwarf on the ground with the other onlookers wincing nervously.

"Cap'n always was an adrenaline junkie."

* * *

Four years. They locate the Animus Bell in a place called Wonderland, and try to retrieve it. 

They fail.

The second figure spends time out in the world alone, going to magical auctions, looking for something they'd heard rumors of before. Eventually it locates what it was looking for.

A year later, the first figure steps out of a pod of green goo, in its living body once more.

"Drink this," the second figure says, holding out a phial of ichor. The figure does, confused, and then slumps in relief when its memories return.

"Let's be more careful next time," it says.

"No shit," says the second.

* * *

Five and a half years gone. They retrieve a single relic, bringing their total to two.

"It's not fast enough," the first says. "Did you hear?"

"About the deaths? Yeah." The second shakes its head. "No way that was an accident, though. He's too good a wizard. Somebody framed him."

"Obviously," the first says. "But we can't do anything about it. I think I found something about the gauntlet."

The second looks up from the newspaper, eyes sharp. "Tell me on the way."

It's not a long trip. No trip's long when you have an advanced interplanar vessel to get you as close as you dare. And honestly, no one really cares about Phandalin - it'll be quiet enough.

"There's a dwarf, Gundren Rockseeker, looking for some ancient vault full of magical relics," the first explains as they fly. "His father went missing after, purportedly, visiting it. And you can't open it if you don't have the blood of his family or whatever."

"Perfect place to put something you don't want anybody finding."

"Exactly."

"Getting in's gonna be a pain, though."

A long pause.

"Wait, wasn't--"

" _Turning around_."

They detour to the beach. There's a brief discussion on how to broach the subject. How to even _talk_ to him.

In the end, they cast sleep from a distance and steal a vial of his blood.

"That's seriously creepy, dude."

"Listen, if you have a better idea--"

The second figure puts up its hands in surrender. "No, no. I'm just saying… we just stole a guy's blood."

The first sighs. "Honestly? I've done worse."

"I do not want to know."

They go back to Phandalin, actually land this time. They're not going to travel _with_ Rockseeker, but try to get ahead of him. His brothers are "already in the field" according to local chatter, but all they can hope is that they can elude or subdue the other dwarves long enough to get what they came for.

* * *

Four days of searching and they only find the damn place because Rockseeker arrived. They have to take out three dwarves and four retainers, and at least one of them probably has a nasty concussion.

"I think I'm out of spell slots, just so you know," says the first figure.

"If you wanna try subduing someone with a longsword, be my guest," says the second.

A cloud of spores puffs up from the fungus on the ground when they speak. They're a little worse for wear when they finally get to the elevator.

It's eerie, being in this abandoned mine. Other than some distant sounds of oozes that they very carefully avoided, there doesn't seem to be any life in the whole place. No miners, no treasure hunters. Just…. Silence, and the echoing sound of waves crashing on stone.

They find the door without incident, though they get turned around a few times in the process. Empty rooms, a seemingly bottomless pit, abandoned mining equipment. And, eventually, finally, a large, sealed door.

"I really hope this works," says the second figure as the first uncorks the vial of blood.

"You and me both," it replies, and smears it on the metal.

There's a moment of silence, and then a loud clanking as the locking mechanism releases and the door swings open.

Inside is the final glassing, deep below ground, with (hopefully) the loss of only one life - a dwarf in the middle of the room, the gauntlet on his hand. The first figure sighs softly, and takes it, putting it carefully in its pack. The dwarf crumbles to ash when it does.

"At least it won't do this anymore," the second says. "No more glassings. Lup would like that."

They don't say anything more as they trudge out of the vault, pleased to have found the relic, disappointed not to have seen any sign of their friend.

Until the first figure turns its head, and sees a red-robed skeleton, holding an umbrella, and freezes.

"Hey, when we get out of here, maybe we sho-- ...You okay?" The second figure backtracks, and follows its partner's line of sight, to the red cloak that matches their own, to the skeleton, to the umbrella. "...Fuck."

"That's not right," the first figure says, voice trembling. "If she… she wouldn't have not come back."

"Or left her umbrella." The second frowns, and steps forward to pick it up. "She worked hard on this, why's it _here_?"

A pause. "Shit. Give it to me!" The red-robed figure takes the umbrella in both hands, sucks in a deep breath. "Babe, forgive me if I'm wrong about this," it mutters, and snaps the umbrella in two.

Both figures are thrown back - the first prone, the second skidding backwards and fighting to keep its feet - as red smoke and lighting emerge from the wood, coalescing into a red-cloaked figure like themselves, but very very different, spectral and hovering. The lightning crackles, flames start to lick up the skeletal hands.

The first figure pushes itself to its feet. "L… Lup?"

The lightning calms. The flames flicker out. The lich seems to gather itself back together, then exudes the clear aura of someone relieved and happy. 

"Babe, am I happy to see you," she says. "You too, Mags. How long was I out?"

"Five years," says the second figure, says _Magnus_ , pushing back his hood. "Hey Lup."

"We've gotta get back to the Starblaster," Barry says, shifting his pack. "We've got a _hell_ of a lot to tell you."

* * *

"You're both idiots," Lup says when they finish explaining their plan, what they'd done, and how it'd all gone wrong. 

"Yeah," Magnus admits with a faint sigh, rubbing his face. "We know."

"Luckily," she continues, "you've got me now. We'll knock this shit out no problem, get the others inoculated so they can be pissed at you, and live happily fuckin ever after."

Barry chuckles softly. "Yeah? You got a plan how?"

"Just gonna be me, homie. Trust me."

* * *

Lup leads them to Wonderland, where Barry had insisted they not go until they were sure they could face the liches they'd fled from last time.

She lights it the fuck up.

* * *

Six years since they fed Lucretia's journals to Fisher, edited and redacted in her meticulous hand, and they make Lup drink a phial of ichor after she climbs out from the green tank. They've found another relic in the time it took to grow Lup's new body from the kiss she left when she disappeared. Barry had kept it, unwilling to lose that connection to the love of his life. They embrace tightly, murmuring to each other, finally able to touch after so long apart.

Magnus itches to be done, to have _his_ arms wrapped around someone he loves again, if Lucretia will ever forgive him for making her forget. There are only three left. They're _so close_.

"I think we've got locations for all three," Barry says one day not long after, scanning over his most recent notes. 

"Well, shit, we could wrap this up overnight and go get everyone back!" Lup says, holding her hand up to Magnus for a high five. He should be thrilled. He should be _ecstatic_. This is what he's been waiting for, isn't it? The ability to get everyone back, to finally let them remember again?

"Yeah," he says, unenthused, and Lup frowns and lowers her hand. "I think maybe… one of us should stay with the ship, you know? Make sure everything stays cool up here. You two can go, and then we'll all get the last one together."

Barry seems confused. "What? But Magnus this is--" He's silenced by Lup's hand on his shoulder.

"Okay," Lup says, nodding. Magnus feels like she understands better than he wants her to. Better than he understands it himself. "Sure, Mags, if that's what you wanna do."

* * *

He doesn't wait where he said he would, when Lup and Barry go after the relics. Instead, he lands in the woods outside Neverwinter, hiding the ship with the cloaking abilities Barry had upgraded, and walked into town on foot, an axe on his hip, a carving in his pack, and a flask in his pocket. It's a half day's walk to get to town, but he knows where to find her. 

They've always known where to find her.

Lucretia is sitting on a park bench, scribbling in a small notebook while keeping an eye on the little girl racing around with her friends. Magnus watches them both for a few minutes from a safe distance, trying to be inconspicuous. He doesn't even know what her daughter's name is.

( _Their_ daughter's name, part of his mind points out traitorously. _And you'd know if you hadn't cut them out_.)

(He had to cut them out. He had to save Lucretia the responsibility of doing it herself.)

He had a plan, to carry out while Lup and Barry were being kept busy for a few days at least, and it was a _good_ plan, right up until the point where he chickened out watching Lucretia. He missed her. He loved her.

He was terrified of her.

Magnus turned to leave, only to hear her voice call out, and the sound of it was like a spike to his heart, welcome and devastating.

"Excuse me?" she called, and he turned awkwardly to face her again. She was standing, notebook in hand and pencil tucked behind her ear, like always. "Did you want an autograph?" she asks after a moment, when he doesn't say anything. "It's all right, I just noticed you watching." There's steel in that statement, an unspoken threat that if he wanted something less benign, he'd be in for a world of trouble.

"Y.... yeah," he manages, voice rough and uncertain. "I just…. Didn't want to bother you while you were out with your... " he trails off. "Sorry. I'll just--"

"It's fine," Lucretia says with a faint smile, practiced and indulgent. It must be her "dealing with fans" smile. "You're already here, so it can't hurt, right? What's your name?"

"Magnus."

She scribbles something on a page of her notebook, then carefully tears it out and hands it to him. It reads, in her all-too-familiar handwriting, _Best of luck, Magnus. Lucretia_. "It was nice to meet you, Magnus," she says, and he nods before shoving the note in his pocket and fleeing as quickly as he dares.

He makes it back to the ship in the middle of the night, leaves a dent and smear of blood in the wall where he punches it, and locks himself in her room. The room barely smells like her perfume anymore - it smells more like him than anything. He cries, deep gut-wrenching sobs, and buries his face in the pillow that hasn't smelled of her shampoo in years.

He hadn't known how much it would hurt to hear her say his name with no love behind it.

* * *

Lup's waiting for him with the Philosopher's Stone already when he returns to their meeting spot with the Starblaster. If she wonders where he went or worries about his red-rimmed eyes, she doesn't say anything. Instead, she goes to the kitchen and starts cooking - she's not as good as Taako was, but she's still a fair sight better than Magnus or Barry, and she quickly starts calling out instructions for Magnus to help her.

Maybe she was just hungry, maybe that was the only reason behind it, but the cooking is an engaging distraction for him, and the food comforting. It's not until after dessert that she broaches any sort of sensitive discussion.

"So, how was she?" Lup asks.

"Hm?" Magnus responds with a frown, spoon hanging out of his mouth.

"Lucretia. You went to see her, right?" She says it like it's an obvious, foregone conclusion. Like that had been the plan all along and she was just following up. Magnus nods, and remembers to swallow the last bite of his creme brulee. It tastes like ashes.

"She's… fine," he says finally. "I think."

Lup nods, and reaches out to squeeze his hand. She doesn't say anything about it being okay, about not worrying, about it being over soon. Magnus is grateful. Just being there is enough, and not too much. Just holding his hand isn't patronizing or placating.

"One more and you can go get her," Lup says. "Since Barry is totally not going to fuck up talking a little old lady out of her treasured monocle."

"One more," Magnus repeats. Rubs his face, trying to will the fear and confusion away. He could handle missing her - he'd been missing her for six years. The rest, though, he wasn't sure.

"C'mon," Lup says, standing. "I'll help you do the dishes."

* * *

Six years, two months, and twelve days after they began, Magnus and Barry bring back the last relic. 

Magnus feels like it should be more momentous, finding the last relic, the last piece of the Light of Creation, the last part of their plan before they can bring everyone home. It feels like it should break his heart a little bit to hold Lucretia's relic, that she had so carefully planned and crafted.

Instead, as he places it in the room where the other relics rest, he just feels numb.

* * *

Barry starts to take them to Neverwinter, but Lup meets Magnus' eyes over Barry's head and nods as though she's gotten an answer to a question before leaning over and redirecting them to the last place they'd found Taako.

"If you think I'm going a single day longer than necessary without my brother, you are _very_ mistaken, babe," she declares. Magnus doesn't know what she saw, but what little he can feel is grateful for her.

Lup sits down next to Taako in a dingy tavern and nearly gives her twin a heart attack. That was one thing Barry had insisted on changing in Lucretia's journals - Taako had to keep Lup. They kept everything erased after a certain point where they'd been separated and they'd all assumed Lup had died, but Barry had hoped that while Taako would grieve, it wouldn't be as awful as removing her entirely.

Taako doesn't trust them, but Lup manages to persuade him outside, out of public and closer to the Starblaster, and when they get the ichor in him the first thing he does is throw his arms around Lup in an uncharacteristically sincere display of emotion. She murmurs in his ear, maybe reassuring, maybe explaining.

Probably explaining, because as soon as he lets her go, Taako magic missiles him and Barry and stalks off. Magnus is pretty sure they deserve worse.

"I think he'll be over it soon," Lup says after the four of them are back on the ship, Taako sleeping off the memory rush in Lup and Barry's room, where Barry has been banned until further notice. "No promises, though."

"It's fine," Barry says.

Magnus doesn't say anything, just leaves the room and heads to the bridge to start for their next destination.

It's a good twenty minutes into the flight before anyone follows him.

"You thought you were doing the right thing," Lup says, sitting next to him.

Magnus snorts. "Like that means fuck-all when we screwed his life up so bad."

"Hey," she protests, "that's not _all_ on you, duderino. You're an idiot and you fucked up, but… it would've been worse if Lucretia'd done it, I think. If he hadn't remembered me at all."

"Maybe," Magnus grants. They should reach Candlekeep by sunrise. It'll be nice to have Cap'n'port back at the helm - Magnus can do the basics of piloting the ship, but Cap had been the only one who could really make her sing.

Lup sighs and stands, pausing to wrap her arms around his shoulders as she passes. "You fucked up, but you did your best, dummy," she murmurs by his ear. "They'll all forgive you once they get a chance to recover."

She leaves to go curl in bed with her brother.

Magnus wishes he could believe her.

* * *

It happened like this:

Lucretia had been spending so much time alone in her room, and Magnus was worried. They were all worried, but Magnus was especially so. She hadn't gotten any new books in ages, and he only ever saw her looking over her own journals when he'd stick his head in to call her down for dinner, or ask if she wanted to come looking for Lup, or to try to steal a kiss.

Merle was the one most likely to convince her to come out, though, and one day that he did Magnus snuck into Lucretia's room under the guise of spending time with Fisher. 

Instead, he snuck a journal out of the pile on her desk that she'd been pouring over, took it back to his room, and locked the door so he could avoid being caught. It felt intrusive, even though these journals were ostensibly a record of their journey, not Lucretia's private diary. None of them had ever asked to read her journals, in over a century, and she had never offered. He didn't know if it would help at all, but she'd been going through them so regularly it couldn't hurt to see if he could make out what was bothering her, even if he thought it was probably unlikely.

The one Magnus had grabbed, from the bottom of the pile, seemed to be the first one. It had crew biographies, a description of the IPRE and their mission, and the events of the first few cycles.

Or at least, Magnus was _pretty_ sure it had all that, because there were a lot of redactions filling the pages, especially the ones with the biographies. And sure, it made sense that maybe she'd have a copy she could show other people, with the sensitive information blacked out, but that didn't make any sense, because all the sensitive stuff was still legible. The things that were blacked out were… weird. Most of their names, except Lup's. Almost all the early life biographies. A lot of the descriptions of their home plane, except for things about the color of the sky, or the existence of the IPRE and what it did, or the finding of the Light of Creation. 

It didn't make sense, and Magnus frowned over it for a good hour before tucking the journal under his mattress and going to work out some frustration on a punching bag. He wasn't stupid, but he also knew that he wasn't particularly _intellectual_ , and this seemed like something big, he just couldn't put it together. He continued to puzzle over it through dinner, as he fell asleep, and for the next few days. It didn't make sense to block out _any_ of her journals, but if Lucretia was going to redact things, why would it be the stuff that has nothing to do with their mission?

Unless, he realized while he did the breakfast dishes a few days later, the mission wasn't the important part to protect.

He rushed through the rinsing and all but bolted back to his room, again locking the door before he pulled the journal out from under his mattress, flipping it open and skimming the pages. Early childhood redacted, up until they joined the IPRE. Personal anecdotes redacted. Details of the IPRE and the ship and the mission still readable. Lup's name still readable at every turn, even in her and Taako's history. Everything involving Lucretia visible, except for her name. It all added up to one thing, as far as Magnus could tell.

Lucretia was going to give her journals to Fisher, and make them all forget.

_Why_ she was going to do that was beyond him, but he wasn't going to let her take this on herself. She hadn't said anything to any of them-- 

Except he didn't actually know that. Someone else might know what was going on. He needed to grab someone who knew how to do magic. Magnus shoved the book under his bed and raced out to the deck, where Barry was going over maps, waiting for Taako to return from a scouting mission, trying to find news of Lup.

"Barry," he said, "I need your help."

* * *

It's almost frighteningly easy to get Merle and Davenport back to the Starblaster and inoculated, compared to Taako. Lup (who seems to have taken over the inoculation duties) tells them she wants to take them on the adventure of a lifetime; they lock eyes, Merle shrugs, and they both followed her without question.

Well, that wasn't true, Magnus overheard a _lot_ of questions, but none of them were particularly troubling.

After inoculation, Magnus is braced for another attack, still feeling a sting from Taako's magic missile darts, but instead there's a long silence as they both process what happened, and then Merle's cycling through all of them with tight hugs while Davenport lectures.

"What were you _thinking_?" Davenport asked, hands on his hips, as Lup crouches down to hug Merle, letting the dwarf put a hand on either side of her face and look her over for a good ten seconds before trying to shoo him off.

"It's so good to see you, kiddo," Merle tells her before moving on to Barry.

"You've unnecessarily altered the memories of this world, and _our_ memories!"

"Magnus, when was the last time you _slept_?"

"We're going to have a long talk with you two about appropriate use of memory-erasing creatures," Davenport finishes, looking around. "Where's Lucretia?"

Lup and Barry both instinctively look at Magnus, which leads everyone else to follow suit. Taako manages to look sarcastic about it. How does someone manage to _look_ sarcastic?

Magnus clears his throat uncomfortably.

"I'll… I'll be at the helm," he says, and turns on his heel.

"Lu's next," he hears Lup tell Davenport as he leaves. "But there's something you dudes should know first."

* * *

They finally got their chance to go through Lucretia's things about a week later. Merle and Davenport had gone to the beach, and Barry had successfully faked a nasty cold so he could beg Lucretia to go with Taako on their most recent Lup search. He'd be embarrassed if they managed to find Lup this time and he wasn't _there_ , but they'd agreed it was their best opportunity.

Barry and Magnus stood in Lucretia's room, Fisher bobbing calmly in his tank nearby, with all of her various journals spread out around them. They'd had to dig some of the most recent ones out of a box in the corner of the room, but they were pretty sure they had the whole sequence.

"You're definitely right about what she's doing," Barry said, grimacing. "She must be trying to re-combine the Light so she can use her barrier."

"Would that be such a bad idea?" Magnus asked. "I mean, the relics worked _technically_ , but we did a number on this world…"

"Cutting the bonds off of this plane won't help anything," Barry said firmly. "That's part of what weakens the planes enough for the Hunger to just devour it."

"Oh." Magnus ran a hand through his hair. "Okay. Lu's not gonna stop trying. You _know_ how she gets these days."

"Yeah," Barry said. "But what can we do? It's not like we can inoculate the whole world."

"No," Magnus said slowly, looking at Fisher, "But we can get ahead of her plan so she can't do it without the two of us."

Barry followed his line of sight and grimaced, then grabbed a cup off of Lucretia's desk, next to a little note in her handwriting.

They took the journals Lucretia hadn't finished redacting, after they inoculated themselves, and spent the next few days doing their own redactions. Lucretia spent most of those days, after she returned, turning the ship upside-down, getting frustrated and short-tempered but never admitting to anything being wrong, and apparently never suspecting someone had intentionally snuck her journals out.

Magnus was in charge of blacking out anything the crew should remember in the more recent journals - he was probably more generous with memories than Lucretia was, but he was still sparing with what he blacked out. Barry, meanwhile, went through the first journals again, blacking out a lot of Lup's early life, some of Davenport's research. Lucretia may have wanted to be sure no one would look for her or remember anything, but they wanted to let the others keep as much as possible.

Lucretia was inoculated, they thought - they'd heard the static sometimes when she sang, remembering things from the Legato Conservatory that none of them could remember while alive. There was no reason to think that the ichor of Fisher's family wouldn't be enough to protect her from Fisher alone.

They finally got a day where everyone was on the ship and Lucretia was out of her room, doing yoga with Merle to try to ease some of the stress she was feeling - bad enough to make her nauseous most days. They slipped into her room, bringing the journals they'd worked on and adding them to Lucretia's piles, counted them all to make sure they weren't missing any.

Magnus picked up the first journal.

"This is a bad idea," Barry said.

It happened like this: they did it anyway.

* * *

"I want to handle Lucretia," Magnus tells Lup as they navigate towards Neverwinter. She flicks a glance at him from the corner of her eye, and while her eyebrows go up, she doesn't vocalize her surprise.

"Okay, Mags."

Silence falls back over them for a few minutes before Magnus breaks it again. "It's just--" he starts, coughs self-consciously, and falls silent.

"Nah, go for it my dude," Lup says encouragingly. "It's just what?"

"I did this to her," he says, chest tightening. "I made the call. I… _left_."

Lup hums softly, then gets to her feet. Magnus thinks she's leaving to head to bed, but instead she comes over to his chair and deposits herself in his lap, resting her head on his shoulder. It's oddly intimate, for the two of them, but the pressure and warmth of her against his chest steadies his breathing and loosens the knot over his heart, just a little.

"You love her so much," Lup says quietly, her voice vibrating against his shoulder. "And you're gonna love that kid like nobody's business. We all know it."

"Doesn't undo what I did."

"No," she agrees. "But I think it'll be enough."

They sit there in silence until the sun rises.

* * *

He decides to convince Lucretia to come with him by bringing her things that they'd left in her room - one of her personal journals (all in her handwriting, of course) and a picture of her laughing as Lup and Magnus mugged for the camera. He brings Lup as backup, and goes to the same park he saw her in last time, hoping to run into her there.

They're in luck, though Magnus doesn't feel particularly lucky when he sees Lucretia sitting at the same bench, keeping an eye on the little girl halfway up a nearby tree while ostensibly also writing in the journal open on her lap. His mouth goes dry, and he steps back, then stops when he feels Lup's hand on his back.

"Hey," she says, and he looks down to see a cocky grin on her face, and she flashes him a thumbs-up, "it's in the bag."

He smiles back weakly. Looks at Lucretia. Looks at the little girl now 2/3rds of the way up the tree. He can be strong for them.

He steps towards Lucretia.

"Hi," he says cautiously. "Uh, you probably don't remember me--"

"Oh," she seems surprised, her shoulders stiff. "Yes, I do. Magnus, right?" She glances past him and sees Lup, who smiles and waves cheerfully. Lucretia's shoulders relax somewhat. "What can I do for you?"

"Uh," Magnus says, rubbing the back of his neck. "So the thing is… the thing is, my friend Lup and I need you to come with us, back to… to where we live." Lucretia's shoulders tighten again, her eyebrows drawing together in the beginnings of a frown. 

"I don't--"

"I know it's weird!" Magnus says quickly. "But I can't… I can't really explain yet." He holds out the journal and the photograph. "I don't know how much of this you'll be able to understand right now, but… but we're your friends. You just don't remember us. And… and we want to fix that."

Lucretia looks from his face to the journal a few times, suspiciously, before slowly reaching out to take it from him, flipping it open. Her expression shifts as she looks through it, shifting from stiff suspicion to a deep frown. "This… this is my handwriting," she says slowly. "But I don't…"

"You don't remember writing it," Magnus says. "I know. But we can fix that, just… just _please_."

Lucretia hesitates, still staring at the journal. 

"Hey Lu," Lup says, and both Magnus and Lucretia jump, not having heard her close the distance to them. "Look at the picture. Just one part at a time. Whaddaya see?"

Lucretia looks down at the picture, blinks several times and shakes her head, looks again. "I can't… what's wrong with it?"

"Nothing," Lup says. "One part at a time." She leans over the back of the bench and covers up Lup and Magnus. 

"It's me," Lucretia says slowly. "I'm laughing. But I don't--"

"--Remember, yeah we know," Lup interrupts, and moves her hand, covering the part of the picture Lucretia's in. "Now what?"

"...The two of you."

"Good job," Lup says. "Don't worry about it making sense yet, but we were in a picture together. Okay?"

"I suppose…" Lucretia shakes her head. "You want me to come with you?"

"Yeah," Magnus says softly. "Just for a little while, then you can leave again if you want."

Lup shoots him a _Look_ over Lucretia's head, but says nothing.

"Well," Lucretia says, closing both journals and hugging them to her chest as she stands in a way that reminded Magnus so much of when they first met that it he stops breathing for a moment. "I suppose there's not really another choice, is there?"

* * *

His daughter's name is Rowan, and Magnus loves her.

As the four of them head out of town to where they've parked the Starblaster, Lup explains as much as she can to Lucretia without getting staticky, giving Rowan a piggy-back ride. Rowan had hid behind her mother at the sight of Magnus, but warmed up to Lup almost instantly, demanding a piggy-back (despite Lucretia's scolding for rudeness) which Lup laughingly agreed to. It shouldn't hurt - after all, it's not like she knows who Magnus is, just that he's a large, scarred, probably pretty-intimidating-looking man.

Magnus instead spends the walk watching the little girl. Her skin is lighter than Lucretia's, just enough that he can tell she's absolutely _covered_ in freckles. Her hair is short, and he thinks there's the remains of a flower tucked up in those reddish-brown curls. He sees Lucretia in her sharp eyes and smart questions. He sees himself in big grin and skinned knees. He wants nothing more than to scoop her up in his arms and never let her go.

"I promise it'll all make sense in a few minutes," Lup's saying as they push through into the clearing where the Starblaster is parked. Merle and Barry are waiting outside with the ichor, Davenport's probably staying out of the way so as not to overwhelm her, and Taako…

Well, Magnus and Barry had told everyone why they did it. Taako knows Lucretia was going to do the same thing to him that Magnus and Barry did. Taako is probably not speaking to Lucretia right now.

Magnus hangs back at the edge of the trees as Lup _swears_ to Lucretia that the ichor is disgusting but safe, proves it by taking a sip herself. He should be the one doing this, he should be there to help her sort through over a century of memories that are about to come flooding back.

He waits until the flask touches Lucretia's lips, then he turns and walks back into the woods.

* * *

When he comes back to the ship after dark, he hopes that everyone will be busy with their own business so that he can sneak into his room without notice. It's cowardly, he knows, but that seems to be what he is now, so why not embrace it?

Unfortunately for his plans, Lup's sitting in his room waiting for him.

"Welcome back, big boy," she says as he steps inside, and he sighs deeply and considers walking back out before closing the door and accepting his fate.

"Hey, Lup," he says.

"So, I noticed you noped out back there with the whole Lucretia-getting-ichored thing," she says, casual as ever. "What's up with that?"

"I…" He hesitates, reluctant to put his feelings into words. "I got scared."

Lup frowns. "Yeah, so? You've been scared lots of times. Never known you to run away from it."

"Well, I guess I'm just a coward now," he snaps. "Are we done?"

"Nope!" Lup says, popping the 'p' loudly and sitting forward. "You're not getting out _that_ easy, brolio. Lucretia was really upset you weren't there when she sorted through everything. Thinks you're pissed at her for trying to erase your memories."

Magnus's head snaps up. " _What_? Why would I be mad at _her_?"

"Dunno." Lup shrugs, and gets to her feet. "Guess you'll have to get your shit in order and ask her yourself." She reaches over and grabs his hand, squeezing it briefly, before exiting the room, leaving Magnus feeling even more conflicted and confused. He almost charges out right then, to find Lucretia and tell her he's not mad, beg her forgiveness instead.

He's spent six years learning to be patient and to think before he rushes in. She's probably asleep, and if she isn't Rowan probably is. He turns out the light and flops face-first onto his bed and tries to sleep.

He doesn't.

* * *

Lup convinces Taako to cook breakfast in the morning. Magnus is out (and exhausted, after not sleeping) before anyone else. Taako gives him a single pancake.

"Eat that," he says sharply. "If I'm gonna poison more folks, I'd rather it not be someone whose life you ruined." 

Magnus swallows down the sharp retort and the lump in his throat, and eats the pancake. It's amazingly good, and not at all poisoned. It almost tastes like being home again. Taako seems to take Magnus not dropping dead as enough proof that his food should be safe to eat, and has Lup set the table.

There are, tellingly, only five servings. Four adult-sized and one smaller with a whipped cream smile on the top pancake. Lup calls everyone in, and Magnus and Lucretia both pointedly avoid looking at each other over the table as the situation sinks in.

"Taako, c'mon bud," Merle protests when he sees the table. "There's not--"

"It's fine," Barry and Lucretia both say. 

"Wasn't really hungry anyway," Magnus says, not entirely untruthfully.

"These are real good Mr. Taako!" Rowan exclaims, her mouth full.

Magnus turns and leaves the room.

* * *

She finds him in the training room an hour later. He doesn't hear her come in.

"What did that punching bag ever do to you?" Lucretia asks, her voice tight, like she's trying to keep it light-hearted and failing. He stops punching but doesn't turn, steadying the sway of the bag and locking his gaze on his busted knuckles. He should bandage those.

Lucretia shifts behind him, and clears her throat. "I… Magnus, I wanted to apologize," she says. He walks to the side of the room. There's a first aid kit in here somewhere, isn't there? "I know what I was planning was… was _horrible_ , but I don't want you mad at me, Magnus--"

" _Mad_ at you?" he asks, his mouth moving without thinking, his body turning to face her without consulting him. "Lu, I'm not… I _abandoned_ you! Rowan, too. I don't _deserve_ …" he gestures vaguely at her, and it settles in, words finally connecting themselves to his emotions and actions. _Oh. That's why I'm upset._

"Don't deserve… what, to be a part of your daughter's life?" Lucretia asks. Magnus winces and looks down, says nothing. He's found the first aid kit, sets it down on a bench and starts sorting through it. Lucretia sighs. "Oh, _Magnus_ ," she says softly, and sits down on the bench, the first aid kit between them. She pulls something out of the kit - disinfectant swabs, there they are - and gently takes his hand, delicately starting to clean the split skin.

"Ow," Magnus hisses.

"Don't be a baby," she says, her tone familiar and fond. Neither of them look up from his hand. "Magnus, I'm not angry with you. You didn't do anything to me I wasn't prepared to do to you, and neither of us knew I was pregnant."

"You're not?" he asks, his voice plaintive despite his efforts to keep it together.

"I'm not," she assures him as she begins wrapping his knuckles. "And you're… not mad at me, for planning it all?"

"Of course not," he said. "That's why I couldn't let you do it alone."

"At that point it may have been easier to just tell everyone and work it out from there," Lucretia points out, and Magnus rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. 

"Oh. Uh. Yeah, that's a… very good point."

Lucretia looks up at him, slightly stunned at his answer, then bursts into laughter, lunging forward to wrap her arms around his neck. "You are the worst strategist I know," she murmurs fondly into his ear.

He wraps his arms around her, buries his face in her neck, and silently agrees with her.

* * *

Things start to settle into an almost-familiar routine, after that. Taako still doesn't acknowledge Magnus, Barry, or Lucretia (though he all but dotes on Rowan, despite his claims to the contrary), and Rowan is everywhere, asking questions and trying to help Taako with the cooking and Davenport with the maintenance; but it still feels familiar. All the old rooms are filled, familiar voices in the air no matter where you go.

"We need to discuss the relics," Davenport says eventually, when they're all sitting at the dinner table getting ready to clear it off. Rowan looks wide-eyed between all the adults as the conversation - as awkward as it was - dies down.

"Hey, kiddo," Lup says, standing and scooping Rowan up, rubbing their noses together to elicit a giggle out of the little girl. "How's about I set you up with some markers and you make us some good drawings? We've got some boring grown-up stuff to talk about and I wanna have something to look forward to." 

"Sure!" Rowan says as Lup carries her out to one of the other rooms, and they're clearly still talking even as their voices fade to indecipherable. The heavy silence in the dining room doesn't lift, even when Lup returns and sits down heavily in her chair.

It takes a moment before Davenport speaks again, as reluctant to break the silence as the rest of them.

"We don't know how having them all in one place will affect things," Davenport says. "Especially when no one really remembers they exist anymore. For all we know, that's enough for the Hunger to track us down."

"I don't think so," Lup says. "Not immediately, anyway. But we _do_ have to figure out what to do."

"We could--" Lucretia starts, and Taako cuts her off sharply.

"Hey, quick favor, could you maybe listen to _other people_ for a change?" It's the most conversation any of the three pariahs have gotten out of him since he got back. "This was _your_ stupid-ass idea, so that you could go through with your _other_ stupid-ass idea that we've already told you _won't work_."

"Well we have to try _something_ , Taako," she snaps back. "We can't just _run away_ this time like we always did before. It's not. An option."

Magnus wonders, for a moment, what changed.

Rowan laughs at something in the other room, faintly but carrying through the silence, and it hits him in the gut. He hadn't even considered that, and it makes him feel like the worst father imaginable. 

If they left, they'd have to leave Rowan behind.

"We're not gonna leave," Magnus says, low and growling. It's almost a threat. "But we gotta come up with something that's likely to _work_."

"Well, then that's what we'll work on," Davenport says. "Let's go over what we know."

* * *

It's nothing they haven't discussed before, but most of them have had six years of not thinking about the Hunger at all. Magnus worries it means they'll be accidentally re-hashing old, discarded plans. And, in fairness, they do that for a while, trying to make sure they were really as bad as they'd decided a couple of decades ago.

Lup leaves to go keep Rowan busy for a while. Lucretia switches with her, bringing Rowan and her reading out into the dining room. "She'll worry more if she just hears us whispering all the time," is her explanation. Rowan interrupts them from time to time to ask them to help her with a word. It's a surprisingly welcome distraction when it happens. 

It gets later. Rowan falls asleep curled up in Barry's lap. (Magnus tries not to hate him too much for that.) Around midnight, Taako gets up and wanders into the kitchen without a word. He comes back with a plate of sandwiches, each made to the specifications they'd gotten used to for late-night brainstorming over the decades.

There are enough for _all_ of them, this time.

"Hey, Merle, you said Johnny Voregasm was all about _bonds_ , right?" Taako asks as he picks up his own sandwich and bites into it.

"For the hundredth time, _yes_ ," Merle says, more tired than irritated but definitely not in the mood for that question.

Taako nods, then points his sandwich at Barry. "Reason we can't do Lucretia's barrier is 'cause it would cut off all the bonds."

"That's a gross oversimplification," Barry starts.

"Yes or no, Barold," Taako demands. Barry sighs.

"Yes, that's essentially the problem."

"Cool," Taako says, taking another bite of his sandwich. "So why don't we draw the hunger here, then cast Lucretia's barrier around _it_?"

Dead silence falls. Magnus stops chewing, half of his sandwich still in his mouth. Some of Davenport's egg salad drips out of the bread he's holding halfway off the plate. Lup and Barry look at each other, then at Lucretia, and all three of them excitedly start talking at once.

"Of _course_ , why didn't we--"

"--have to make some modifications, of course, but--"

"--some extensive planning--"

"--if that doesn't work then--"

"--ultimately do the same--"

" _Quiet_ ," comes a small, cranky voice from Barry's direction. They all stop talking almost as abruptly as they started, grinning sheepishly. 

"Sorry, squirt," Barry says, scooping her up and standing. "Lemme take you to bed."

"We can start working it out tomorrow," Lup agrees. "It's probably better if we do it well-rested."

" 'M finishin' m' sammish firs'," Magnus says, still chewing his roast beef and tomato. It was insane how Taako managed to even make _sandwiches_ taste better, but Magnus is not looking this gift horse in the mouth.

"Okay, bed now, planning starts first thing tomorrow after breakfast," Davenport declares. "Taako, _please_ make--"

"Enough for everyone, yeah yeah," Taako says, waving the plea off as he leaves the room, but Magnus faintly hears him say, "Goodnight, _Barold_ ," as he passes Barry in the hall, and it might be icy and bitter, but it's better than silence.

"I'll clean up out here," Magnus tells Davenport after he swallows. "And I'll try to keep Rowan occupied tomorrow. I'm not gonna be much help at this point, I figure, what with all the magic stuff, so..."

"Yeah," Davenport agrees. "We'll need you more for action when we actually do it. Thanks, Magnus."

Davenport heads out to his room. Magnus finishes his sandwiches, wraps up the leftovers, and does the dishes, trying not to feel too overwhelmed with relief that things are starting to inch closer to normal again.

* * *

"Magnus is going to be in charge today, darling," Lucretia tells Rowan at breakfast. "The rest of us have work to do, but you and Magnus are going to have a wonderful time. Right, Magnus?"

"Yup!" Magnus says, almost choking on his eggs in an effort to swallow and answer all at once. "We can hang out on the ship, or go into town, or… whatever, I guess!"

Rowan looks dubious, but says, "Okay, Mama," and doesn't fuss about it, which really is all Magnus was hoping for.

"I can tell her who you are, you know," Lucretia says quietly twenty minutes later while they wait for Rowan to pick her clothes for the day. "We'll have to tell her at some point."

"Maybe wait until she likes me?" Magnus says, hesitant. "I mean, unless you think she'd do better knowing now."

Lucretia shakes her head. "I honestly don't know," she says. "But we'll wait until after today, at least."

"Done!" Rowan declares. She's dressed in a truly ridiculous skirt that Magnus could've sworn was Taako's at one point, which seems likely given she's also wearing a "Sizzle it Up With Taako!" shirt that's a tiny bit too big for her and clashes horribly with the skirt. She finished it up quite sensibly with flowery leggings and light boots made of soft leather.

"Holy shit," Magnus whispers under his breath.

"Taako altered some of his old clothes for her," Lucretia whispers back. "I try to let her have as much autonomy as possible, including choosing clothes. Sometimes it gets…"

"You look _amazing_ ," Magnus declares loudly with a big grin. And it's true, in a way. If Taako had come out dressed like this he'd've teased the elf for days, but on this tiny freckled six-year-old it was the most endearing thing he'd ever seen.

It might've been because she was _his_ tiny freckled six-year-old, but he wasn't going to look at it too closely.

"Thanks," she says softly, ducking her head and half hiding behind Lucretia's leg. Magnus's stomach falls with disappointment. She isn't shy with anyone else, not even Merle. Why is he so different?

"Now, you're going to behave, right? Listen to everything Magnus asks you to do, don't run off, and don't be mean, right?" Lucretia asks , crouching down to eye level. Rowan nods solemnly. "Okay. Hug?" Rowan nods again, and hugs Lucretia tightly. "Kiss?" Lucretia asks. 

"Nu-uh," Rowan says, shaking her head. Lucretia laughs softly. This is apparently a common response. 

"Can I kiss your cheek, then?" Lucretia asks. Rowan thinks about it and nods, presenting her cheek for kissing, which Lucretia does. "Good." She stands straight and hugs Magnus, kissing his cheek as well.

"Good luck," he says.

"You too," she responds.

And then she's gone, and it's just Magnus and his daughter who's scared of him. He turns to her to find her eyeing him with a fair dose of suspicion and caution. "So," he says, "What do _you_ want to do?"

"I want to go to the zoo," she says.

"Zoo it is, madam," he says, and (after a moment's consideration) holds his hand out for her to take. She makes a face.

"Do I hafta?"

Magnus forces himself to smile. "Nah, not unless we're in a big crowd or crossing a street," he says. "C'mon, I'll bet someone on the road has a donkey you can ride."

* * *

The trip to the zoo is less of a disaster than Magnus expects, given their less-than-illustrious start. There is no donkey to be found, but there is a large mastiff being ridden by a halfling who graciously offers Rowan a ride when he sees her wide, delighted eyes. Rowan stops and obediently reaches up for Magnus's hand every time they move to cross a busy road, but pulls it back every time they've safely crossed.

Still, she seems to have fun at the zoo, peering at the animals and asking him questions he mostly doesn't have answers to, and she seems excited to get ice cream on their way home, and when she's tired and her legs are sore and they're still a mile away from the Starblaster, she actually takes Magnus up on his offer of a piggyback ride. She falls asleep, slightly sticky from ice cream residue and drooling a little down the back of his neck, and Magnus is, for a moment, content.

It doesn't last, but it's a good feeling that he treasures.

She sleeps through the return to the ship, and Lucretia spots them walk in and gets up from the table where everyone's debating something magic-related.

"You want me to take her?" she murmurs. 

"It's okay," he whispers back. "You get back to big important magic stuff, I can get her tucked in."

Lucretia looks at him with an expression he can't quite decipher, then kisses his cheek and Rowan's in quick succession. "All right," she says. "But come get me if she wakes up and wants me."

He nods, trying not to move his head _too_ much, and heads to Lucretia's room.

It's harder than he expected, getting Rowan ready for bed, in large part because she doesn't wake up as he lowers her down from his back and he decides he'll just… not wake her up at all. Cleaning her hands and face of ice cream stickiness is easy enough, but getting her out of her clothes and into her pajamas is another matter. 

"What the shit," he mutters under his breath. "How the hell're you so floppy?" Rowan doesn't reply, being asleep, but she does, as he gets her nightgown finally tugged over her head, snuggle up against his leg.

He takes a moment to just… _look_ at her. To find those freckles that he's seen in the mirror for years. That seemingly-eternal purse of lips that make him think of Lucretia at her shiest. The reddish sheen of her hair and the tight curls that mix her parents' features so nicely. She's so small, but also so _big_. He missed so much of her life, and he can't get it back.

He lightly rests one wide hand on her skinny back, and she lets out a little sigh in her sleep.

"I love you so much, kiddo," he whispers. "Hope you'll love me too, one of these days."

He sits there like that for a few minutes, just reveling in the fact of her existence, before he stands and tucks her under the blankets, leaving as quietly as he can. 

If he wasn't already committed to their plan, he sure as shit would be now.

* * *

The next few weeks are a mix of intense planning and strangely calm domesticity. Taako hasn't forgiven them, but he actually laughs at one of Barry's stupid jokes one day. Lucretia, Barry, Davenport, and Lup all take turns giving Rowan her lessons - mostly just reading and very basic math, but each of them seems to slip in a little extra knowledge. Magnus is proud to know that if she decides to learn magic, she's got a solid theoretical grounding from four of the most powerful wizards he knows.

(He really hopes Barry isn't teaching her about necromancy. He wouldn't, right?)

Taako, meanwhile, is teaching her to cook. He's very pointedly avoided doing any magic while doing so, and Magnus has noticed he makes a point to taste everything before he lets Rowan do so. She's picked up a lot of things very quickly - of course she has, she's Lucretia's daughter after all - and most every night she can be found helping Taako cut vegetables or stir pots or carefully saute things as he prepares dinner.

The relics, one by one, are re-integrated, Lucretia using her staff to contain and focus the power, to make her barrier spell easier to cast when the time comes. It's a tiring exercise, one that Davenport insists she spread out as much as possible. Lup and Taako confirm pretty quickly that the Hunger's scouts only needed the first-reintegration to find them.

The countdown begins.

* * *

Eleven months remaining, Lucretia deems it the Appropriate Time™ to tell Rowan who Magnus is.

Big hazel eyes look up at him with probably the most suspicious look he's ever been on the receiving end of. He looks back, smiling crookedly at her.

"How come you were gone?" she asks.

"Because I had a job to do," he answers. 

"Mama had a job, and _she_ came back every night." Rowan crosses her arms sullenly. Lucretia starts to scold, but Magnus shakes his head and crouches down to be at eye level with his daughter.

"I made a mistake," he says carefully. "I thought I had to do all of it, by myself, before I could come get you. But I was wrong. I'm sorry."

Rowan tilts her head slightly, her eyes flicking from his eyes to her mother to his hands folded tightly together, to the sad set of his mouth. She's a smart kid - if she decides he's full of it, it'll be a long time before he can earn her trust, and he knows it.

Finally, she reaches up and pats his cheek. "Well, that's okay," she says. "If you're sorry. Don't do it again."

"Yes, ma'am," he says. Rowan seems to consider the conversation done, leaving the room with loud calls for Aunt Lup, and Magnus can't help but grin widely at Lucretia where she's standing a few feet away. Maybe Rowan's warming up to him after all.

* * *

With ten months remaining, Magnus corners Lup in the hallway. He's been training hard - it's really the only thing he can do at this point - but it's not enough.

"Teach me some magic," he says.

Her eyebrows shoot up. "Why not ask Lucretia?" she asks. "Or Barry - he's better at teaching than I am."

"Because I need _your_ kind," he says. "I need to hit hard."

She grins widely, showing too many teeth to be entirely reassuring. "Well, then. Let's get started."

He's not a wizard. He's never going to be counted among the most talented and powerful spellcasters in the world. But he learns, and Lup teaches him as best she can the ways she makes her spells hit harder.

"You gotta want it, basically," she says. "Deep in your gut. Why'd you think Wonderland went up in smoke so quick?"

Magnus thinks of his family, this oddball collection of refugees who'd fled for so long. He thinks of Lucretia's soft laugh and the feeling of her braids brushing the skin on his chest. He thinks of Rowan, bright-eyed and sharp-witted, with so much life ahead of her.

He casts a firebolt that consumes his target instead of scorching it.

"Yeah," Lup says, beaming. "Like that."

* * *

Six months before the Hunger arrives, Magnus finds Lucretia pacing in his room one night after everyone had gone to bed. Except him - he hardly slept these days, worrying about things he had no control over, keeping his body fighting fit, practicing his spellcasting. That's how she'd gotten in there before him.

"Magnus, there you are," she says, a little breathless, as he closes the door behind him with a frown. "I was-- You took your time."

"I didn't know you were waiting," Magnus points out. "Lu, is everything okay?"

She closes the distance between them in two steps and pulls him into a kiss. He's reminded that despite their difference in build, she's as tall as he is, because he doesn't have to bend down to meet her lips. He forgets sometimes, because he's so much broader, takes up more space. 

He kisses her back more out of instinct than anything - but finally comes to himself enough to pull back and out of the kiss. " _Lu_ ," he whispers. "What the fuck?" He feels her tense against him, like she intends to pull herself back, and he wraps his arms around her. "Not that I don't like it, just… I didn't…"

"You didn't expect it?" she asks. When he nods, she lets out a breathy laugh, presses her forehead to his shoulder. "You _idiot_. I've been waiting for you to come back to me for _months_."

"Oh," Magnus says. Her words sink in. " _Oh_."

"I should never rely on you to figure things out," she says, her breath warm against his neck, her lips pressing to the place where his jaw and ear meet. 

He shivers. "No," he agrees. "You really shouldn't."

She stays in his room that night. Lup doesn't say anything about hearing them from the next room over, but in the morning when they come to breakfast, she smiles at them.

* * *

By the time the Hunger comes, they're ready for it.

Lucretia takes Rowan to a friend from her publishing career, asks them to get out of town, tells them everything will make sense again soon. Rowan cries a little, knowing something important is happening, something scary. But it's not until Magnus kneels down in front of her that she finally chokes out a sob, flinging her arms around his neck.

"I love you, I _do_ , please don't go," she wails. Magnus holds her as tightly as he dares, trying to memorize every part of this feeling; his daughter in his arms, holding him tightly, telling him she loves him.

"Hey," he murmurs, "it's gonna be okay, kiddo. We'll be home before you know it."

"Promise, Maggie," she says, using the familiar nickname she'd picked up from Lup. 

"I promise," he says, and kisses her cheek before handing her reluctantly off to Lucretia's friends. That promise is going to be a hard one to keep, he knows, but he's determined to try.

Davenport flies, out above the material plane. Fisher hovers behind them all, singing softly, and they fight. _Oh_ , how they fight, against the strange black-opal creature that tries to waylay them. Lup's lighting it up and Merle's trying to keep them on their feet, and Davenport and Lucretia are still in the cockpit as Lucretia channels and channels the spell so she can cast it when they land and--

And the Hunger laughs.

And he hears Lucretia screaming.

And they fall.

* * *

There's a strange warmth around him, and Magnus wonders if this is what death is. It smells like clover and wildflowers and wine, and feels like sunshine, and for a moment, he thinks if he opens his eyes, he'll find himself home.

But then the pain returns - not as bad as it was, but still present, and he feels the cold of the deck against his cheek, and hears the hum of the bond engine. He opens his eyes and sees Pan. It has to be Pan, especially given the beaming smile Merle has on his face. And then Pan's gone, and they're all on their feet again, and the bond engine is humming louder, and louder, and suddenly Magnus understands.

He locks eyes with Lup, across the deck; they share matching smiles, with too many teeth.

And from the depths of his heart, Magnus _pulls_.

* * *

They land hard on the Hunger, barely managing not to crash completely, and the bond engine falls silent as they come sliding to a halt, the metal hull screeching across the barren sand of this plane. Magnus is, despite his efforts, knocked prone in the landing, needing to reorient himself for a second after they land, using the time to try to locate the nearest Hunger to fight.

Except, it doesn't come. He sees it, but it's pushed out, away from the ship, away from all of them. It doesn't sink in why until he sees Lucretia, standing stock still in the middle of the deck, her Bulwark Staff glowing with an intense, beautiful white light.

She's cast a shield - not the one she's still preparing, but a smaller one - over the ship, holding the Hunger at bay.

He's never seen her look so beautiful.

"Engine's back up!" Davenport calls, and as the bond engine hums to life it conjures one last portal, opening to trees and the familiar city walls of Neverwinter.

"Let's go, Lucretia, cast it and let's run for it!," Merle calls

"I don't know if I can do this," Lucretia calls, her voice shaking. Magnus steps towards her, steps behind her, wraps his arms around her. 

"You can," he says. "I believe in you."

Lup strides forward, Barry's hand in hers. "So do we," she says, putting a hand on Lucretia's shoulder. Lucretia's knuckles go white as she clutches her staff. Merle and Davenport flank her, each reaching up to put a hand on her waist in silent support, eyes lifted to the glowing tip of her staff.

Magnus is startled to see one last hand reach out for her other shoulder, and he turns to see Taako's face, jaw set in determination, pupils blown wide and ears pressed back. "Fuck 'em up, bubeleh," he tells her, and she lets a laugh bubble out of her.

As she does, Fisher sings, rising up from the ship to the top of Lucretia's shield. And for the first time since the Legato Conservatory, he _gives back_. Their story is broadcast through everyone's minds - not just the parts it had been fed, but the parts it had learned, the parts it remembered. Every person in every plane in the entire planar system suddenly understands. They remember the wars, the relics, the pain and the suffering; but they also hear the story of seven travelers, seven _refugees_ , who set out to save their world. Magnus can almost feel their presence with them, cheering them on.

Lucretia's shield bursts, and the Hunger's forces come swarming and crashing onto the deck of the Starblaster. It takes everything in Magnus to hold on and not dive into them to try to fight, but he knows somewhere deep in his gut that this is where he's needed. And indeed, as they all hold on to each other, white lines of light seem to erupt out of them, winding around each other and the group of them and Lucretia's staff, growing brighter with every second.

"I love you," he tells Lucretia just before the Hunger washes over them, though he's not sure she can hear him over the roar.

She cranes her head back, and he can see her eyes blazing a brilliant white, and then…

_Light_.

* * *

Magnus stops keeping exact track of how long it had been. The Hunger was gone, his family is back together, Taako even seems like he might forgive them one day. He doesn't need to obsess over time anymore.

A year after they defeat the Hunger, they don't do anything special. It's a quiet day that they appreciate, but it's still too raw and complicated to really celebrate like that. A year and a couple months or so after they defeat the Hunger, however, Rowan turns eight.

"Birthday girl should open _presents_ ," Lup insists, bouncing Rowan in her lap. "Come on, birthday girl!"

"Aunt Lup, _wait_ ," Rowan laughs. 

"Yeah, dingus," Taako says as he came in, carrying a truly impressive cake. "Watch out, masterpiece of baking coming through."

"I thought we were going to do presents after cake," Merle says mournfully. 

"I'm pretty sure it was the other way around," Davenport corrects.

"And _I'm_ pretty sure it's the Birthday Girl's decision," Barry declares loudly, to a chorus of mingled cheers and booing from the other six adults in the room. "Whatcha think, kiddo?"

Rowan purses her lips, looking solemnly from the stack of presents to the cake. She's clearly weighing her options in a way she gets from her mother. Magnus sighs deeply, earning a small chuckle from Lucretia.

"Ro, what do we say in times like this?" he asks.

Rowan looks up at him and grins widely. "Rush the fuck in!"

"Hell yeah!" Magnus exclaims, at the same time as Lucretia says, " _Language_!"

"I don't know why I try," Lucretia says, throwing her hands up. She's smiling, though.

"Presents _and_ cake," Rowan declares. "Light the candles, Uncle Taako!"

"Hey, light 'em yourself, meydeleh!" Taako shoots back, prompting a raucous (but playful) shouting match between him and Lup as Rowan shrieks with laughter.

Magnus takes a deep breath, feeling like his smile's going to split his face. They went through so much, they ran for so long and fought so hard to get here. He fucked up and did his best and failed and tried again, and now… now he's finally sure it was all worth it, because he's finally happy.

He's finally _home_.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully that all came together the way I wanted it to, and y'all enjoyed it! It was definitely a labor of love that I did not expect to come out of a solitary mental image. I swear I'll write some Magcretia eventually that doesn't involve offspring, but.... well apparently it wasn't this fic.
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr at [ruffboijuliaburnsides](http://ruffboijuliaburnsides.tumblr.com).


End file.
